Joke's on You!
by alphashley14
Summary: The Flock is dead. Leaving only Angel, Gazzy, and Total alive. They're out on a hunt to destroy the last ITEX facility, located in Gotham. Turns out, Mom and Dad live there too, & they didn't sell them to the school! What better way to meet Dad than to bust him out of Arkham Asylum? Joke's on U! AU to the MaxRide series. -UP FOR ADOPTION!-
1. Chapter 1: Jailbreak

**Hi! I wrote this because I recently saw Suicide Squad and _loved_ it! And then I thought about one of the _best books ever_... And put em' together and what've you** **got?** **I am only using Angel and Gazzy because they're the only ones who look remotely like Joker or Harley. And I thought their slightly psychotic natures would make any relation believable. I do not own Suicide Squad or maximum Ride. Enjoy!**

 **Joker**

Memories were painful things. That was one thing The Joker knew. Sitting in his cell at Arkham Asylum with nothing to do but think, those tended to re-surface. Often. The one that was currently plaguing him made him want to scream.

 _July 24, 2006_

 _She'd screamed. He remembered her screaming. Joker remembered holding her hand, whispering in her ear, as his Harley roared at the pain. The pain of the prince of Gotham coming into the world. His son. Her nails dug into his flesh so hard, she drew blood, but Joker didn't care. Finally, with one last screech, another scream filled the air of the hospital. His son. The one he never even got to hold. The doctor took one look at it and sent the nurse running out of the room with it. It. They'd never given him a name. They hadn't gotten the time. It died minutes after it was born. Joker remembered the look on Harley's face when those evil words had come out of the doctor's mouth. Pure. Crushing. Heartbreak. Joker had heard before that no parent should ever outlive their child. Joker learned that day that it was true. It was born with a mutation. It's superior and inferior vena-cava (the vessels that supplied blood to the heart) weren't connected. It had died in minutes. His son. He remembered them handing Harley that tiny body of what could-have been. His son. Gone. Just like that. He remembered taking It from his sobbing wife and crying. The first time in years The Joker, the king of Gotham City, had cried. Because he loved that baby. Until he met Harley, he hadn't thought he could love, but he loved her, and he loved his son. And one of them was dead. "I'm sorry. So, so sorry."_

 _February 14, 2008 (Valentine's Day)_

 _But the Joker wasn't one to give up so easily. And lucky for him, neither was Harley. She was pregnant again only a year later. And again… they failed. Gotham's princess died minutes after she was born. With the same mutation as her brother. Joker remembered Harley screaming, as she held the corpse of their daughter, "Maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother!" Both his children. Dead. Joker remembered holding her body. She'd had a head of blonde hair. Her eyes hadn't even open yet. Joker planted a kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry." He'd whispered. That was one of the few times Joker had ever cried. He remembered holding Harley close as they carried the body away. "So so sorry."_

If they were alive, he'd be 10 and she'd be 8. Joker missed them. He'd never gotten to know them, but he missed them.

He'd never say it out loud. But in his head, it plagued him because he knew, he knew it was all his fault. The ACE chemicals that had affected the minds and bodies of Joker and Harley had to have caused the mutation that had killed his children. Because it hadn't happened once, it had happened twice. Not coincidental. He'd fallen into the chemicals all those years ago, then he'd made Harley do it. His children were dead. Because of him. He hated memories, he really, really hated memories.

At about the time he noticed the single tear running down his cheek, he heard the all too familiar sound of the door outside his cell opening. Joker quickly wiped the tear off his face on his shoulder. He was wearing a straightjacket, which made the simple task difficult, but he regained himself before the nurses, a doctor, and the guards came in.

The Joker could cry, but no one would ever know.

"Fellas! _Finally_ , someone comes to see _little old me_. I was getting a little worried everyone forgot! _Doctor_." He said. But, they ignored him. "You know, it is quite rude to ignore people." Again, no response. A guard simply hit him hard in the back of his head with the butt of his rifle with a simple "Shut up."

He was removed from his cell with a gun held to his back. No one said a word to him. As good as it felt to stretch his legs, when at Arkham Asylum, one of the most important things a prisoner ever wants to know is where he or she is going if and when said prisoner is removed from their cell. Because at Arkham, the chances of the location leading to pure agony were quite high.

His heart sank when he recognized their surroundings and realized where they were going. _Not the electroconvulsive therapy again_! He knew from personal experience it did not cure insanity, in fact, it just may just make it worse. That and it was excruciatingly painful! Arkham did not practice anesthesia. Whenever they did this to him, he was awake the entire time.

He was shoved into the room where they did all the ECTs. Several guards positioned their guns at him and one of them walked forward and removed his straightjacket. Joker quickly stretched his arms and shoulders. How _good_ it felt! This luxury was stripped quickly as two guards forced him onto a cold, uncomfortable metal table and tried to strap him to it. He knew it was inevitable, but he had a reputation to keep and was not going down without a fight.

He swung one leg up and caught the one on the left right between the eyes with his knee. The man let go of him and staggered, clutching his broken nose. Joker used his free arm and shoved the other guard off of him. Joker threw himself off the table and onto the man, shoving him onto the floor and wrapping his fingers around his neck.

Joker wondered what color the suffocating SOB would turn by the time they got him off this time. The last one had actually turned a deep shade of purple and passed out. The butt of a gun connected with his skull just as the man was turning red. Joker let go, someone grabbed a handful of Joker's hair and dragged him off. He was thrown in the center of the circle of guards with nine loaded rifles pointed at him.

"Very funny _Mr. J_ , you _are_ a joker, now let's do this the easy way, shall we?" One of them asked. His nametag said Jonathan. Ooh, people he had labeled with a name were so much more fun and easy to mentally torture and pick apart.

"Hmm, and what is the easy way, Mr. Jonathan?" Joker asked. "The easy way, wise guy, is you getting your freaky tatooed ass onto that table and taking your medicine with no complaints and no attempted murders."

Yeah, next prison break, this one was soooo dead.

" _Aww_ , but the _easy_ way sounds _boring_. Ha. Ha. Ha. Beating all of you to death would be sooo much more fun, don't you think?" "See, this, wise guy, is exactly why you need an ECT every few weeks." "Funny, for people with doctorates, you all seem pretty stupid to me. Just saying, one would think you'd learn from your mistakes." Joker said sarcastically.

Two more guards grabbed him, a third holding his legs this time, and against his struggles, strapped him to the table. The guards left, but two of them stayed by the front door. Joker caught a glimpse of the door slamming shut.

A nurse he'd never seen before put a mouthguard in his mouth before he could say _'fresh meat'_ and started cleaning the areas around his head where the electrodes would be put on his head. Because his arms, legs, hands, feet, torso, and head were strapped to the table, he couldn't move to resist. He couldn't even spit out something clever and scary that would send one or more of the nurses running crying and screaming out of the room.

His primary target would be his therapist. The one he didn't talk to and didn't listen to. The only therapist he'd ever had enough respect or something for to do either, was Harleen Quinzel, and she was his Harley Quinn now. The mother of his two dead children. He was in no luck. This therapist was not his Harley. This therapist _hated_ him, and the feeling was mutual.

The nurse put the electrodes on their respected places on the sides of his skull. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another nurse's hand going over the button to turn it on. Joker shut his eyes and braced himself, _but the pain never came_.

There was a loud, deafening **BOOM** from behind him. The doctors and nurses screamed and the woman near the button took shelter near the door with the rest of them. Behind him, in perfect sync, he heard two voices say in perfect sync:

 _"This was a test. Guess what? You all failed."_

Loud screaming followed by the door opening, feet running, then slamming shut again. Someone or something ran past him and he heard something big and heavy being pushed across the floor in front of the door.

"There, that'll buy us some time. Angel, you'd better have had me blast into the right room, because if not, our chances just dropped dramatically of getting him out of here." A boy's voice said. It sounded young, maybe eleven.

Joker strained to see the source of the voice, but he couldn't move.

"He's in here, all right. See, Gazzy, that's him, right there. What other prisoners do you think have _green_ hair, white skin, and _that_ many tattoos? And I can eadray ishay indmay, remember? Nice going with the bomb, by the way. We got here just in time. Those sickos! They didn't even put him to sleep. They're no better than the whitecoats." A girl's voice said. It sounded young, too. Maybe nine or ten. He couldn't see her, either. He heard small footsteps approaching his head and suddenly, she jumped up onto the table from behind and he got a look at who'd interrupted his 'therapy'.

She was knelt down on the table, his head was just between her toes. It was indeed a young girl. He couldn't estimate her age well because of the black mask she was wearing which concealed her entire face except for her eyes. Although behind the mask she was wearing goggles, they were clear, and he could see her eyes were large and blue. There was an emotion behind the he couldn't quite place, but it looked like something between nervousness, wonder, curiosity, and maybe just a twinge of fear. Other than the mask, she wore all black except for a short pink skirt. Her shirt was black, her leggings were black, and her hiking boots were black.

There was a second set of footsteps and the second kid jumped up onto the table, Joker's body was right between the boy's legs. He was wearing a mask that matched that of his 'associate', but Joker saw a lock of blonde hair in the eye holes of his mask. And the boy's eyes matched those of the girl. He was wearing black, too. But his pants, which were long and baggy with a lot of pockets, were tan.

Their eyes were so similar, Joker made a quick guess that they were siblings.

The question was: what were they doing staring down at him in this situation?

"He looks nothing like either one of us." The boy said. "Gazzy, that's because he was affected by acid and we weren't. And look, both of us have his nose. We'll discuss his later. Right now, I'll get his upper half, you free his legs." The girl said. "Aye-aye commander Angel!" The boy, Gazzy, said, doing a salute.

Gazzy jumped off the table and the next second, he felt him undoing the strap on his left foot. The girl, Angel, looked down at Joker. "Don't bite me, and don't ask questions. All will be explained, but that door isn't going to hold forever so just cooperate. I know you've heard a lot of that lately, but trust us. We're the good- I guess in your case you could say we're the bad guys."

Angel removed the mouthguard from his mouth and immediately undid the strap on his forehead, then his torso. By then, his entire left leg and right foot were free. Joker bent his left leg, for he had felt a cramp forming. "Who are you?" Joker asked. "My name is Angel." The girl, Angel, said. "And my name is The Gasman! But everyone calls me Gazzy for short." The boy, Gazzy said. "Nice to meet you, Joker." Angel said. "You know me? Stupid question, you're saving me. Might I ask _why_? Or perhaps _how_ you know me?" "What did I say about questions? Later!" Angel said.

His right arm was free. As were both his legs. All that was left was his left arm. Joker sat up best he could and reached to undo the strap on his left wrist, but Angel beat him to it. Free, Joker sat up and stood, his bare feet landing on the cold tile floor. Looking at the back wall, it was completely destroyed. There was a large gaping hole where a bomb had gone off. He glanced over at the two mysterious kids. How had they done this? Angel started moving towards the hole. Seeing her back, he realized there were two slits cut into the fabric of her shirt. What were those for? Gazzy had them too.

Gazzy grabbed a metal baseball bat out of his backpack and smashed the security cameras off the ceiling and then he smashed them into tiny pieces and dumped the remains under a lab coat which had been hanging on a hook on the door.

There was yelling from outside and guards started banging on the door. "Come on!" Gazzy yelled. Gazzy grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the hole in the wall. "How are we getting out of here? We're on the sixth floor!" Joker asked. "The same way we came in. We're flying out!" Gazzy said excitedly.

"How-" He froze when Angel paused by the hole and a pair of gorgeous white wings snapped out of the holes in her shirt. Her wingspan was about nine feet. Each wing about 4.5 feet long. Next to him, Gazzy unfurled his wings too. His were as white as hers, but bigger. Each of his wings were about five feet long with a wingspan of 10 feet.

Shocked stiff, Joker only realized what was happening when the ground beneath his feet was gone. Gazzy had thrown him out of the hole. He screamed, but stopped when Angel grabbed his arm, her wings beating and holding them aloft. He looked up in time to see Gazzy dive out. Gazzy took his other arm and they flew a distance away from the building before they stopped.

"Gazzy-" "I know, _destroy the evidence_." The Gasman finished. Gazzy dropped his arm, he was now being held only by Angel. He prayed to God she could hold him alone. Gazzy took a small device -a bomb- out of his pocket and flung it into the ECT room. It went off just as the door opened. Perfect.

 **BOOM!**

"Don't you just _love_ that _wonderful_ sound?" Gazzy said wistfully, watching the ball of fire, debris, and smoke rise out of the building. Angel rolled her eyes and looked down at Joker. "My brother is an explosives enthusiast. He builds bombs for fun. Gazzy, I can't carry him alone."

So, they were siblings.

"I can, just give him to me, Angel. I'll carry him, you cover us."

Gazzy grabbed him under both arms and he felt Angel let go of him. With the extra weight, The Gasman dropped slightly, but easily the boy carried him over the water surrounding Arkham. Gazzy dropped him on the roof of a skyscraper a few buildings into the city, away from the coast.

Joker hit the ground and immediately flipped over to look at who had saved him. Angel and Gazzy were perched on the edge of the building. Their wings folded neatly against their backs. There was a pause of awkward silence, neither party knowing what to say. Finally, Joker asked, "Who are you? _What_ are you?"

"We already gave you our names. I'm Gazzy and this is my little sister, Angel. Oh yeah, I guess we'd better lose the masks." Gazzy and Angel removed their masks and he finally got a decent look at them. Both had thick heads of curly blonde hair and large blue eyes. Round faces, but Gazzy's was a bit less so than Angel's. Neither of them had any freckles. Their faces were very similar other than gender. Definitely siblings.

"We're human-avian hybrids. Bird-kids. 98% human, 2% bird. Before we were born, an evil company called ITEX injected us with bird DNA, specifically raptor, and a bunch of other chemicals when we were in our mother. She didn't know. Our father didn't know either. Then we were stolen from our parents as soon as we were born. We were injected with a toxin that temporarily put us in a state that looked like we were dead, like in Romeo and Juliet. Our parents thought we were dead. ITEX told them some bull about a mutation that killed both of us. " Angel said.

"We were then taken away to one of their facilities. A horrible place in California, Death Valley to be exact, we called it The School. We were experimented on until we escaped with other bird-kids like us. Angel was only a baby. In the Colorado mountains, we grew up and became a family, a flock. We learned how to take care of ourselves, how to fight, how to _fly_. About 5 years later, it's a long story, but we started fighting back against ITEX, and freeing other mutants like us. We called ourselves The Flock. Maximum Ride was our leader. Behind her was Fang. Then Iggy. Iggy was my best friend. He may have been blind, but he loved explosives too. Next in line was Nudge. She was eleven. She was the only African-American out of us and she talked. _A lot_. Then of course, there was Angel and I. I was eight when the resistance began, Angel was six. I'm ten now, Angel's eight." Gazzy explained.

"Two years ago, we destroyed ITEX. We killed their main facility, in Germany. But there were still small parts of ITEX that wanted to continue where ITEX left off. And they wanted us dead. We've been exterminating these small segments, one by one. But a few months ago-" Angel cut off and looked away.

"A few months ago, we were stealing old ITEX files at one of these small bases. Finding our parents isn't exactly our primary objective, but when in Rome… Anyway, guards swarmed us just as we downloaded the last file. The rest of the Flock… When the smoke cleared…" Gazzy sniffed.

"They were our family! All we had! When the smoke cleared, they were gone! Dead, all of them! I had to pry the flashdrive out of Max's cold, dead fingers!" Angel wailed. Tears started streaming out of her eyes.

"The only good thing that came out of that mission was that we found out who our parents are, and that what we'd been told before about them was a lie. We also found out what city the last ITEX facility is in. We don't know exactly where, but we do know it's here in Gotham." Gazzy said.

Joker spoke up while he still could. "Whoa, whoa, _whoa,_ hold the phone. What does that have to do with me? This sounds like something you'd call Batman or The Justice League about. I don't know what you heard, but I'm labeled as 'a villain'. Why would you bust me out of Arkham?"

At this question, Angel wiped the tears off her face and both of them looked over at each other, then looked back at him and grinned.

"Well…" Gazzy started. "We found out who our parents are…" Angel continued.

"And didn't like the way Arkham Asylum was treating one of them!" Gazzy said. "Sorry, but it isn't easy looking a man in the eye and telling him he's your father." Angel said.

"Think about it before you accuse us of lying. You and Harley lost two kids. A boy ten years ago, and a girl eight years ago. We lost our parents. I lost you ten years ago, Angel lost you eight years ago. If you need a DNA test, I'll let you take it! We can prove it! We have our birth certificates and certificates of death." Gazzy added quickly. He thrust a very familiar set of papers into Joker's hands.

Joker's heart stopped. Was this a joke? But then he remembered…

 _"I'm ten now, Angel's eight."_

 _"He looks nothing like either one of us."_

 _"We both have his nose."_

 _They have Harley's eyes._

 _It is alive. Both the It's are alive._

 _And I'm staring right at them!_

 _They came for me…_

Joker dropped the papers, and at the same exact moment, the three of them lunged for each other. Gazzy to his left, Angel to his right. The Joker embraced his children as he had never done before. He buried his fingers in their hair and held the two of them close.

He may have been insane, but Joker was human. And he'd only ever admit it to three people, but he could _feel._ Those three people were Harley Quinn and his children. And all he felt was pure joy. They were alive. All these years, and they'd been alive.

"You're alive… you're both alive." He said incredulously. " _Dad_!" Gazzy said. "I knew it! I told you he'd be happy to see us!" Angel cried. Joker threw his head back and laughed like the king of Gotham did. _"Ha Ha Ha Ha!"_ He laughed like he'd laughed when he'd pulled Harley from the acid bath.

"You didn't sell us! You really _didn't_ sell us!" Gazzy cried.

" _Sell_ you? Why would you think I would ever do such a thing?" Joker asked.

"That's what they told us. We were caught once during our first year of the resistance, at the German base, just before we destroyed it, in fact. We were scheduled to be 'eliminated', and they left a fake file in our cell that basically said our parents were tight on money before and after we were born, so they sold us to the school for three million dollars each. We found out from that file a few weeks ago that it was a lie! They tricked you and stole us! You wanted us! You wanted us the whole time!" Angel said with the biggest smile. She looked delighted that the lie wasn't true.

A pit of anger arose in the Joker's stomach, but he buried it. He didn't want to scare the kids. They'd _stolen_ both of his children. Not _one,_ _both_ of them! And they'd turned them into _mutants_! And they'd used and lied to them too! Joker wasn't sure who yet, but someone was going to die.


	2. Chapter 2: The Whole Family

**Joker**

"As much as I hate to break up this _happy_ reunion, we have choppers inbound. I suggest getting off the roof and ditching the attire." A voice said from behind them. Joker released Angel and Gazzy and turned around. All he saw there was a small dog. A black scottish terrier, to be exact. Just sitting there staring at them.

" _Total_!" Angel squealed. She rushed over and scooped up the little dog in her arms. "Yeah, yeah, you all know you love me now move it or lose it! Let's go!" The dog said. "It talks?" Joker asked. "Yeah, _it_ talks homo! Come _on_! Do you want to get sent back after what… ten minutes of freedom?"

Joker was freaked that the dog was talking, and even more freaked when he noticed the small pair of black wings on his back, but that statement got him moving pretty darn fast. Gazzy scooped the papers off the ground, neatly folded them, and stuffed them in his jacket pocket. Joker followed Angel and Gazzy to an open door on the other side of the roof. This old office building was abandoned. It had clearly been so for several years.

It was incredibly dark, and the electricity had long-since been shut off, so Angel and Gazzy pulled out flashlights. Gazzy handed him an extra one. They led him downstairs to the bathrooms. Angel ducked inside the woman's room and Gazzy made a gesture to indicate he wanted Joker to follow him into the men's.

Because there were no windows, the bathroom was even darker than the rest of the building. Gazzy placed his flashlight in one of the bathroom sinks so the light was facing the mirror. The light bounced off the glass and created an effect that lit up most of the room in pale blue light.

 _That's actually pretty smart._

Gazzy reached under the sink and came out with two bundles of clothes. He threw the larger of the two to Joker. "Most places have a policy: no shoes, no shirt, no service. You're not wearing either. Sorry if it's too big, we didn't exactly know your size. And we didn't have enough money for pants so, just turn yours inside out. Nothing screams 'freshly escaped convict' than a pair of sweatpants that say 'ARKHAM' in big bold letters."

The bundle consisted of a black hoodie and a pair of sneakers and socks, both also black. Not exactly his style, but inconspicuous enough to get as far away from Arkham as possible and remain inconspicuous. Frankly, Joker was impressed they'd thought of his attire. Gazzy went into the largest stall to change his clothes.

As Joker was pulling his shirt over his head (which was about a size too big for him) he asked, "What's with the talking dog?" "That was Total. We rescued him from an ITEX facility two years ago. He's more Angel's dog than anyone else's. Not sure exactly what they mixed him with, but it's definitely some human and avian DNA, like us. He can talk, he's as smart as any human, and it seems that he ages in human years, not dog years. And if you noticed his wings, they work."

"I thought he was a little annoying." Joker shrugged,removing his pants. "He grows on you." Gazzy said.

"I've got another question, sonny, why _The Gasman_? One does not simply pick up a name like that so, where did you get it from?" Joker asked, turning his pants inside-out and putting them on again.

"My ass."

"What?"

"Seriously, my ass. I don't know what or why, but I have _serious_ problems with my digestive tract. Ever since I was a baby. Studies show humans fart at least 14 times per day, switch the one and the four when it comes to me. Frankly, I'm shocked I haven't let one rip yet. And it stinks. I'm not kidding, I can do it on purpose and make people standing at close range to me pass out. A word of advice: if you ever hear me do it, don't breathe and open the nearest window."

Joker busted out laughing as soon as the word _digestive tract_ came out of Gazzy's mouth.

"Yeah, I know it's _hilarious_. But in my defense, the older ones of the Flock picked it when I was a baby. We grew up in dog crates. There was no escape."

Joker stopped laughing. "I'm sorry, did you say _dog crates_?" Joker asked. That anger was rising up again. It was giving him deep bloodlust and a desire to beat someone to death with a baseball bat.

"Yeah, dog crates. I grew up in a 5x6. We weren't kids on their eyes. We were objects, it's, merchandise, subjects, animals. So they didn't treat us like humans. We didn't even have names. I was too young last time they called me my number, but they called Angel _Subject 11_."

 _Dog crates? Dog crates? My kids grew up in f***ing dog crates?_

Joker gritted his teeth. "I'm going to make them pay for that, Jack." At that moment, Gazzy opened the door to the stall, fully dressed in a green and white hoodie, the sleeves, the hood, and the big star in the middle being white, blue jeans with one knee blown out, and a pair of green and white sneakers. Joker didn't know how he hadn't noticed before, but his son had the biggest cowlick on the front of his hair Joker had ever seen. Gazzy was looking at Joker with a confused look on his face.

"Jack?" Gazzy asked. Joker giggled to himself, realizing he'd let the name slip for the first time. "We didn't give you an official name on your birth certificate because we thought you were-, but Harley and I been thinking about names for you ever since we found out about you, and that was always what I called you in my head. Jack. When I became… like this, I chose the name Joker, a wild card in a deck of playing cards. Jack is another kind of card. Joker's little Jack."

Joker didn't know why, but he reached out and hugged Gazzy again. He just couldn't help it. "But I like Gazzy, too. I'm so sorry. Soooo sorrysorrysorrysorry. I remember all those injections they gave you, in your mother. They said it was supposed to help-neither of us knew-I didn't know anything about pregnancy or birth. I was such a fool, and I lost you because of it. You and your sister both. Then they treated you that way! Oh, how I'll _burn_ them for it!"

"It's okay Dad, you had no way of knowing. Kidnapping is something everyone always expects to happen to someone else, but the problem is everyone is 'someone else' to everybody else. And you can call me Jack if you want to." Gazzy said.

"Let's just leave it as a nickname, shall we?" Joker suggested. "Sounds okay to me, Angel and I are really just happy you actually want us." Gazzy said with a shrug. "Gazzy, I want you to look me in the eye when I tell you this: We wanted you. We. Wanted. You. Wewantedyouwewantedyouwewantedyou. More than anything else in the world son, we wanted you. After we lost you, we tried again but we thought we lost Angel, too… We gave up. If we hadn't, maybe ITEX would have stolen him or her, too."

"I hate them." Gazzy said simply.

"So do I. I promise Gazzy, I will find that last facility, and I will make everyone there who works with ITEX pay dearly for treating my blood that way. But we won't kill the big ones. Oh, we _will_ kill them eventually, but not just yet. We'll let society tear them apart. _Burn_ them. We'll let everyone know what they did, let them get arrested. As the trials drag on, we'll let their friends _abandon_ them, their wives and husbands _leave_ them. We'll let the admiration _vanish_ from their children's eyes. And whether they are found innocent or guilty, we will wait until they are alone in the world and begging for the claws of death and slowly and painfully, we will kill them."

"I like the sound of that." Angel stood by the doorway, clutching a small stuffed bear with Angel wings. Total was standing by her feet. She was wearing a black and white shirt that said in big pink letters: 'Gotham Girl', a frilly pink skirt similar to the one she'd been wearing before, white leggings, a pair of pink and white sneakers, and a big pink flower in her hair. "I can't wait for that day, when we don't have to worry about ITEX anymore, but for now, put your shoes on and we'll head to a nearby payphone so you can call your people to meet us somewhere." "Angel's right. We can't stay here forever." Gazzy said.

Joker put his shoes on, put his hood up, and followed Gazzy and Angel outside. Angel was holding Total with a red leather leash. The dog in question was wearing a red sweater and a collar that matched the leash. The dog looked back at him. "The only reason I'm wearing this is because it hides the wings. End of story."

It was amazing to him that the could cram their wings so tightly against their backs. If he hadn't known about them, he'd think they were perfectly normal children. So, he asked. "How do you get your wings tucked in like that?" "They're totally retractable. You can tell they're there if you look, but they go all the way into our backs. Right where we cut holes in our shirts." Angel explained.

"Okay, next question: you said you were mixed with a bird of prey. Might I ask just which birds of prey those _bastards_ mixed my kids with?" Joker asked. "In a file we stole once, it said I was mixed with a barn owl. If you listen to my wings when I fly, they make no sound, just like an owl. We're not positive, but we think they mixed Angel with a swan, a dove, or a petrel. Just because of the way they look. But because the rest of us are part bird of prey, it's most likely not any of those. Just some other bird of prey that happens to be white. But definitely not an owl, because Angel's wings make noise when she flies." Gazzy told him.

"Not that that's a bad thing, Angel. I don't know what they spliced me with either." Total said, making sure Angel's feelings weren't inadvertently hurt. But everyone ignored his comment.

"Mm hmm, one more thing for now, you said they mixed you with 'a bunch of other chemicals'. What did that mean? You're not just 2% bird?" "Nope. We've got a bunch of other freaky abilities." Angel said. "Yeah. Both of us can breathe underwater and I have my farts, as funny as it sounds." "He seriously does release a yellow-green gas. It's disgusting!" Angel said, holding her nose. "Hey, you call it disgusting, I call it: 'It's saved our lives multiple times'"

It took all of his self control not to crack up again.

"I see you laughing, Dad. Yeah, it's funny. Ooh, you'll like this: I can mimic voices, and almost any sound! That is, I haven't encountered one yet I haven't been able to copy. I bet I could do yours!"

"Yeah, he's pretty good." Total said. "I'm with Gazzy, he could totally do your voice!"

" _Yessss, yesyesyesyesyesyes I could totally do it, Sonny boy._ " Gazzy said, perfectly imitating Joker's voice. "Where's the recorder? There's no way that was you!" Joker exclaimed. It'd sounded exactly like him. Gazzy had even said it like Joker would have. " _No voice recorder, just little old me_." Gazzy said in Angel's voice. "Okay, maybe that was you." Joker said.

Gazzy grinned. "I also know a lot about explosives and pyrotechnics. I remember when the bad guys invaded the house in Colorado. Iggy and I made this awesome bomb out of Max's old alarm clock, a few household chemicals and some old plumbing. It was soooo awesome! We called it 'big boy'. It blew up like 25 bogies _and_ almost caused an avalanche! And this other time, Max threw me a birthday party when I turned nine, and I made these cool fireworks that spelled out the Flock's initials in the middle of the show. It was soooo cool!"

 _That's my kid, alright._

Gazzy talked about explosives like some kids talked about christmas, or new toys. In Joker's line of work, that could be very useful someday. Considering how many explosives he usually came into contact with _daily._

"Hey, Angel. Why don't you tell Mr. J what you can do." Total suggested. "Let me tell ya, Angel really hit the genetic jackpot."

Angel blushed. "Well, like Gazzy already said, I can breathe underwater. And I can also telepathically communicate with fish, which is weird, right? I can also read minds. Sometimes control them, too."

"Say what, now?"

"I can hear people's thoughts. Mostly people who are close to me, but my range has gotten wider as I've gotten older. Also, I can do this!" Then blue feathers like a bird of paradise suddenly sprouted all over Angel's body. Then disappeared again. Then her hair turned black, straight, and long, then back to blonde and curly again.

"That was… freaky." Joker said.

"Says the guy with white skin, green hair, and the word 'damaged' tattooed across his forehead." Total said, looking back at them.

"Touche. And you can really read minds? Like, you've been reading mine this whole time?" Joker asked, amazed. "I can turn it on and off, but I've accidentally heard a few things. I know you're really angry with ITEX, and I know you really do care about us. And you're really excited to introduce us to Mom."

"Speaking of Mom, what's she like? You were the only one we knew where you were, so we went to get you first." Gazzy asked. But at that moment, a police car roared past them, sirens blazing, and suddenly veered around and stopped right in front of them. _Nononononononono._

Two cops got out. A guy and a girl. Both with weapons drawn. "Excuse me, sir, we are looking for an escaped convict. I'm afraid I'm going to have to see your face." Gazzy seemed to have disappeared and beside him, Angel's hair had become black again and she was cuddling her bear in front of her face.

 _Dad, just do it. **Trust me.**_ Angel's voice spoke in his head. A gun cocked, and Joker had no choice. He looked up and put his hood down.

"Very sorry for the inconvenience, sir." The male officer said. Angel spoke up. "Sure is cold out tonight. Wouldn't you both just like to go get some coffee, in a nice _warm_ doughnut shop and _forget you ever saw us_? Joker's a powerful guy. He's probably drinking champagne by an open fire by now with his wife. Watching the news about his escape and laughing at officers like you, wasting your time looking for him."

"Hey, Rick. Wanna go get some coffee in a nice warm doughnut shop? Sure is cold out tonight. Besides, the Joker's probably long gone." The girl officer asked her partner. "You're right Sara, I could reeeeally use some coffee right now. The police got in their car and drove away.

Gazzy re-appeared from behind a dumpster they'd been passing and Angel returned her hair to normal. "Angel... _how_?" Joker asked. "When you looked at them, I changed what their brain processed they saw. I made you look like somebody else. Then I just put an idea in their heads and made them like it. I told you: I can control people's minds. But, some people find that barbaric, so I simply… influenced them."

"Dad, Angel, there are too many police around. I flew up over the building. They've got choppers and everything. I think we should head to the nearest park, make like a rock, and lay low. Time to use that quarter and call your people, Dad. There are two parks nearby. Bruce Wayne Park is closer to Arkham and Wayne sponsors Arkham Asylum. So my vote is on the other one, which is also closer to your neck of the woods. Superman Memorial Park. We slept there last night. Lots of big trees and there's a bus stop and a couple of public phones." Gazzy suggested.

"Yeah, my vote's on that one, too." Angel said. Joker agreed with them.

It was a five minute walk, during which time he dropped the fact that they were mutant bird-kids and asked them about their personalities. _"Angel's never lost at a game of poker."_ Well, with the number of clubs he owned, chances were she'd get to play poker whenever she wanted. Apparently, that was also where Angel and Gazzy got all their money from. She'd actually played in one of his clubs.

 _The Red Heart_. One of Harley's favorites. Chances were, she'd play there again in the near future. She was his daughter, after all. _Harley._ HarleyHarleyHarleyHarley. She was going to be so thrilled. Thrilled he was free, thrilled her children were alive, and thrilled her fantasies of having a family with Joker were going to come true. The prospect of seeing her again made Joker grin like a madman. But then again, he was a madman.

When they arrived at the park, Angel gave Joker a few quarters and his bird kids flew up into a tree over bus stop to rest. Joker popped the quarter into the machine and dialed Harley's phone number.

For a few seconds, there was nothing. Then her voice said through the phone, "Heeello, Harley Quinn speaking." "Hey _Haaarrrley_. It's me." " _PUDDIN'_!" She squealed through the phone. Joker winced and hoped she hadn't burst one of his eardrums.

 **Harley**

When Harley's cell phone rang, she was editing a plan to get her Joker out of Arkham. Just a few last-minute touches before they did it tomorrow night. Harley had worked at that horrible place once, she knew enough to know her Puddin was in a living hell. Joker. Just the thought of seeing him again made her grin like a madwoman. Then again, she was a madwoman.

Her phone rang to the tune of _'circus for a psycho'_ by skillet. Harley put her pencil down, dug her hand into her pocket, and answered it. "Heeello, Harley Quinn speaking." A very familiar voice said on the other side of the line, "Hey _Haaarrrley_. It's me." " _PUDDIN_!" She squealed. Her heart soared at the sound of his voice. "What? How did you get ahold of a phone?" "Honey, turn on the TV to the first news channel you see."

Harley did so. Channel 9 Eyewitness News was doing a story about the mysterious escape of the 'infamous' Joker less than three hours ago. Apparently, it appeared two children had blasted through the ECT room, scared the hell out of a bunch of Arkham doctors, freed Joker, then nothing more was known because one of them had destroyed the room's security camera. A minute later, the room had exploded, killing three people. All Arkham employees.

"Do they work for us, Puddin?" She asked him. "Not exactly." "Rival gang?" " _Nope_. It's a lot to explain. Okay, it's a surprise, but the three-sorry, four of us are laying low on the northwest side of Superman Memorial Park, I'm right in front of a bus stop. Come get me." "Alright, you just stay right there Puddin. I'll get some guys and we'll be right there. Don't get caught."

"Same to you. Harley, I-I love you." Then he hung up.

Harley put her jacket on and ran out of the planning room. She rushed into she and Joker's private living space, grabbed her Puddin's favorite jacket (because she knew he'd want it, the long purple croc-skin one), snatched the car keys off their hook on the wall, and ran out and sent someone after Joker's main men. The ones who liked to dress up in the animal masks and suits.

She was driving out of the warehouse's driveway in minutes, with four Tahoe's filled with armed criminals following her. Criminals, but they knew who they worked for.

 **Joker**

Joker sat at that bus stop, keeping his head low. Total laid down next to him. Every few minutes, he'd glance back just to make sure A: They were still there. And B: That they were _real_. Insanity sometimes made him imagine things. He didn't think he was imagining them. In the quiet, listening to Gotham breathe around him, the reminder would come to him every once and awhile and he'd look back at them and smile.

 _They're alive. All this time, they've been alive. My kids._

Joker wasn't sure when he dozed off, but his head snapped up when a very familiar car horn sounded only a few yards ahead of him. Specifically, a magenta Infiniti G35 Coupe with the Vaydor G35 bodykit with a Gotham license plate which read 'HAHAHAHA' in capital letters. Specifically, his car.

It screeched to a stop and Harley got out of the car. Joker looked up to show them his face and put his hood down with his Harley-grin. The one he reserved specially for her. " _Puddin_!" She squealed. Harley ran up to him and he got up to embrace her. She flung her arms around his neck and Joker held her close, burying his face in her hair and inhaling her sweet scent. Bubblegum shampoo and flower perfume with just a hint of cigarette smoke and liquor. She'd been at one of the clubs.

He didn't think he'd ever been happier to see her in his life.

Joker pulled away from her slightly and his lips collided with hers. He cradled the back of her head with one hand and kept her close with his other around her waist. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth, only momentarily, then pulled out, staring into her gorgeous blue eyes with a smile. The eyes both his children shared.

Oh God, now that she was here, how was he going to tell her? He hadn't been able to get the words out over the phone, so the time was now, but how? Harley was grinning up at him, so happy to see him, how was he going to tell her their kids, the ones she'd worked so hard for, were alive and only a few yards away?

"Puddin, what's the surprise you mentioned over the phone? And where'd you get the clothes?" Harley asked. Oh dear, now or never.

"Harley, do you remember… Do you remember our son, and our daughter? The ones we lost?"

"Puddin, of course I do. How could I forget? I put blood, sweat, and tears into both of them. And they died… We never knew them, J… Why are you bringing this up now?"

He pulled her close to him. "They're alive." He murmured. "J, whaddaya mean?" "They're alive, Harley. Both of them. Those doctors we hired, they worked for someone else. They were stolen. Our children were stolen."

He felt Harley's entire body go rigid. Her eyes wide pools of shock and anger and every ounce of pain she'd been through after losing them.

"What?" She whispered.

"Those people hurt them, Harley. Then they escaped, then… they found us. _They found us_! They're the ones who broke me out of Arkham."

Something heavy landed behind him, followed by another heavy thing. He turned around. Gazzy and Angel stood up slowly from the crouched position they'd landed in. Eyes wide. Their wings were tucked in. They took slow steps into the headlights. Joker let go of Harley. She was just standing there, utterly shellshocked. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Hi… I'm Gazzy."

"I'm Angel."

They went quiet, unsure quite what to say. "Hi… Mom." Angel said quietly.


	3. Chapter 3: Coming Home

**(Only a minute before the end of chapter 2)**

 **Gazzy**

The Gasman must have dozed off at some point, he was alerted to the arrival of Joker's gang by someone squealing " _Puddin_!" Years of bad experience made Gazzy immediately snap awake and look down. There was a pinkish purple sportscar surrounded by a bunch of black cars and Dad was making out with a woman with pink and blue pigtails who was dressed a little bit like a hooker. Gazzy didn't care. He was staring in wonder.

 _Wow, that's her. My Mother!_ Our _Mother! Wow, she's beautiful!_

"Angel, do you think that's-" "Yeah Gazzy, it's her!" Gazzy grinned and prepared to jump out of the tree. But then, he stopped. "What's wrong Gazzy?" Angel asked. "Ang, I know Dad loves us, but… what if Mom doesn't like us? What if she doesn't want a couple of freaky bird kids?" Gazzy turned back to where his parents were breaking out of a 'romantic' embrace. He supposed it was better than Fang's mom, the teenager (possibly a prostitute), but still, _ew_.

"She will. See? Look at the look on her face. Dad's probably dropping the bomb on her right now." Gazzy looked. It could only be described as pure shock, anger, and also joy.

"Yeah, you're right. Besides," he said, trying to be tough, "if she doesn't want us, who needs her? We'll still have Dad, right?" Angel smiled. She knew him well enough to know when he was just putting on a tough face. "You don't mean that. We both know you don't." She said with a smile. Gazzy smiled back.

Then, he took a deep breath, and jumped out of the tree. He landed lightly on the ground in a crouched position and Angel landed beside him a moment later.

His mother's eyes were wide and she was crying. She was beautiful. Gazzy thought she looked more like Angel while he favored Joker. She had long white hair with one side's tips dyed bubblegum pink and the other dyed cotton candy blue. She had their eyes, a round face, and a heart and the word _'ROTTEN'_ tattooed on one cheek. But Gazzy thought she was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. A hand came up to her mouth and Joker was trying hard not to grin and failing.

"Hi… I'm Gazzy."

"I'm Angel."

They were quiet, unsure quite what to say. "Hi… Mom." Angel said quietly.

The Queen of Gotham City stared blankly at them for a few more seconds, then suddenly, without warning, she squealed loudly and launched herself at them and Gazzy and Angel were swept up into her outstretched arms. Gazzy found himself in an embrace that smelled like bubblegum shampoo and flower perfume with just a hint of cigarette smoke and liquor. While his mother cuddled them close and ran her long, slender fingers through his hair.

"Oh my babies, my beautiful, _beautiful_. It's alright, Mommy's here." Gazzy closed his eyes and returned the embrace. All his life, that had been exactly what he'd wanted to hear.

In the distance, _Gangsta_ by Kehlani was playing out of a shop somewhere.

Gazzy felt his father hugging the three of them from behind and he could hear him laughing. Joker did that often. Gazzy liked that. He reminded Gazzy of Iggy, the way he laughed at danger and thrived in the chaos he created. Mom started laughing, too and the next thing he knew he was doing it, too. And Angel.

They loosened the embrace so Harley could back up a bit and properly look at them. "You're so _pretty_. My _son_ is just as _handsome_ as his _Daddy_." She said. Wearing a grin that showed all of her perfect porcelain white teeth and stroking his hair while cupping his face with one soft hand. "My son…" "The Gasman. Gazzy for short. It's a weird name, I know, but I earned it." Gazzy said. "Gazzy." She echoed.

She moved to Angel. "And my beautiful girl, oh you're so beautiful. My girl…" "Angel. My name is Angel." Angel said, trembling with joy.

"The irony." All four of them said in usion. Then they busted out in happy laughing again.

They broke it up after a few moments. "Come on, we are going to go home and get you all cleaned up. Then, you are going to tell Mommy and Daddy what you have been doing all of these years."

"You are _not_ going to like it." Joker said in a tone that could kill.

"Oh no, what is it Puddin? I think I blacked out after you said _'our children were stolen'_. Which someone _is_ going to die for, and if _you_ don't do it _I_ will." She said, holding the two of them close again.

Gazzy liked that. Ignoring the conversation, he almost felt like a normal kid, in his mother's arms. Almost. After all, she was daydreaming about the most painful ways to kill the sickos who had turned him into a genetic freak, but he supposed he should be used to that by now.

Just as they were finally getting in the car, Gazzy felt one of his 'complications' sinking towards his 'biohazard zone' from his gut. Not the first impression he wanted to make. Lucky for him, Total had ran over and was at his feet.

Gazzy did everything he knew of to 'hold it in' and picked up the little talking dog. "Hey, Total. Can you do me a favor?" He whispered in his ear. "What?" Total asked. "Pretend to see something and go running off in that alley so I can go get you." He whispered. "You have to fart, don't you?" Total asked. Gazzy groaned. " _Yessss_."

"Rat!" Total yelled. The dog wriggled out of Gazzy's loose grip and took off towards the alley. "Whoops! Total! Don't worry Angel, I'll get him." Gazzy took off after Total, ignoring the yelling after him.

As soon as he was a safe distance away, he 'relieved himself', causing Total to gag and nearly faint, then picked up Total and jogged back over to the car. Mom had a worried look on her face. "Don't worry Mom, I was just getting Total, our dog."

"Well, he sure is a _cutie_ , just tell me next time, we have an enemy who likes to hide in the dark. Besides, I missed ten years of your life. I don't want to miss a second more." She said, rubbing the dog on the head.

" _Woo-hoo, hoo_ , I like it here!" Total said loudly. Harley froze, then jumped out of her skin. "It _talks_!" "Yeah, Total is a mutant. It's a long story. We'll have to tell you later. He talks." Angel shrugged.

"Uh, Sir? Are you sure those are your kids, I mean, it is rather a stretch." Gazzy heard one of them say. "Hey! You callin' my humans liars?" Total growled in an outraged tone. Gazzy decided to cut off the suspicion before it grew. "Angel, the papers please." "With pleasure, brother mine." Angel said, fishing said papers out of her backpack. She handed them to Harley-er, Mom.

"Enclosed should be two birth certificates, photographs of both of both of you and us in our younger years, old lab reports, old records of various information about us, photos of ACE Chemicals, and an entire essay on some hypothesis a white coat had that your exposure to ACE would have some sort of effect on your offspring. That's us. That's also why we think we in particular were kidnapped. Buuuut, samples of our DNA showed no irregularities whatsoever, so we ended up injected with-" Angel slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Gazzy, exnay on the ingsway." "greedaay."

 _"Injected with what_?" Harley asked in a tone that said _'I think I am about to be super angry'_.

"This isn't a good place to talk about it." Joker said quietly in her ear.

Once they were in the P _urple Lamborghini_ , **(anyone who knows the SS soundtrack very well should get that pun HAHAHAHHA)** with its white leather seats and gorgeousness, Gazzy couldn't help but remember the fact that it had been nearly a week since he had last bathed and his clothes were thrift shop quality and be a little ashamed with himself. He knew there was nothing he could do about it and he didn't blame himself, but he did feel ashamed.

 _"Don't feel that way Gazzy, I don't have to read their minds to tell they don't care. They're just happy we exist."_ Angel said inside his head. She'd slid into the seat next to him and was holding Total in her arms.

The car ride there was nothing short of chaotic. Dad drove like he'd just escaped from an asylum. Which was true. Gazzy lost count of the number of traffic laws broken and nearly had a heart attack twice.

 _He loved it!_

One of the many things Gazzy had been worrying about was that his parents would be _boring_. He had survived _The School_ , but he didn't think he could survive _that_. He was Gazzy Ride- or was it Quinn? Ya know what, he was Gazzy Ride Quinn, a member of the Flock, one of the saviors of the world from ITEX, an explosives enthusiast, Iggy's partner-in-crime, _The Joker and Harley Quinn. H_ e had gotten good at thriving in the chaos.

When they got 'home', on the outside it looked like an old abandoned warehouse. But once they got inside, Gazzy realized it was a _mansion_ cleverly disguised to look like one.

The entire inside was luxurious, decorated with white, gold, purple, and green, with some pink and blue here and there. His parents certainly took pride in their favorite colors. Gazzy was sure that Iggy would love it here if he were here because of the abundance of white. White being the only color his blind friend could see. _Keyword, could._

Gazzy shook his head. _Don't think about that now! You've mourned, move on!_

The second Joker walked in the room, he stretched with a big grin on his face. "Oooh, yeah, Daddy's home!" "This is home?" Angel asked with wonder. "Uh-huh, and it's yours too now, my little Angel. Same to you, Gazzy." Mom said lovingly.

 _Angel was right, she really does care about us_. Gazzy thought.

"This place is _way_ bigger than the house in Colorado!" Gazzy commented. More to himself than anyone else. "Colorado?" Harley said in a questioning tone. "That's where we grew up. In a remote cabin in the Colorado Mountains. Well, after we escaped." Angel said.

"Escaped from where?" Harley asked.

"You might want to sit down. But, I think Dad should change clothes first." Angel giggled.

"No, it's best to get this over with. Then all three of us can get a bath. I think the two of you need it more than I do." Joker chuckled, ruffling Gazzy's hair. Just like Max used to do.

They were seated at a comfortable lounge in the living room. A fish tank filled with clownfish swimming around purple anemones, purple and green mandarin fish, and flame angelfish.

His time saving the world in a submarine had taught him all about different kinds of saltwater fishes.

The couch they were sitting on was white leather with a gold trim.

"Wow, this place makes _us_ look like peasants walking into _the king's_ castle, doesn't it Gazzy?" Angel asked. "You've got that right, Angel." Gazzy agreed. "Mmhmm, you've arrived right in the middle of a grand party to welcome the prince and the princess home at last." Joker said, playing along.

"Party?" Angel and Gazzy asked in usion.

"But of course we're going to have a party! One grand enough to make up for all the birthday parties I've missed out on throwing for you. One to welcome you home. We're going to invite all of our friends, aren't we J?"

"If by 'friends' you mean a few employees and of course, a certain _Suicide Squad_ , how could we not, Baby?"

"Who's the Suicide Squad?" Gazzy asked.

"Oh, they're a group of bad guys I was in prison with once. It's a long story, but we were forced by the government to save the world together oh… about a year and a half before you were born, Gazzy." Harley said.

"You saved the world? Hey, so did we." Gazzy said excitedly. His parents stared at him.

" _You saved the world?_ Gazzy, you're just a kid. How did you-"

While Harley had been talking, Gazzy had glanced over at his sister and Angel had given him 'the nod'. Harley was cut off when Gazzy and Angel unfurled their wings.

She gasped and stared at them with wide eyes. The Joker smiled. Gazzy stretched his wings out as wide as he could, displaying each barn owl feather proudly, and prepared himself for the worst. He could just see it now. _'You freak, you're not my son!'_ , that was what Gazzy was expecting. But that wasn't what happened.

Harley stared at them for a few moments, her hand over her mouth, then she stepped forward and started stroking his tan and white feathers.

"They- they're so beautiful." She said quietly. She moved from him to Angel, running her fingers gently along Angel's soft white feathers.

She was quiet for a few moments, then she asked the question: "Who did this to you?"

 **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

 **Sorry this chapter is the shortest yet! Chapters 3 and 4 were _originally_ going to be one chapter, but then I realized how _long_ they were going to be! So, I made them 2 chapters. Review, Review, Review! I always want feedback! **

**How will Harley and Joker react to Angel and Gazzy's autobiography? Will they destroy the last ITEX facility and avenge the flock? How will the Suicide Squad react to the news of Harley and Joker's kin? What are Angel and Gazzy's lives going to be like as the prince and princess of Gotham city? Find out in future chapters of... _Joke's_** _ **on**_ _ **You!**_

 **Till next time,**

 _ **alphashley14**_


	4. Chapter 4: The Story of my Life

**_**Hey guys, I am SO sorry It's been SO LONG! I got caught up with an original story I've been writing. I just pray and cross my fingers you may be able to buy it at Barnes and Noble someday. I'm sorry it's caused me to neglect my readers and I'm going to try not to do it again.**_**

 _ **Review, Review, Review! Seriously guys, you my readers have opinions and I want to hear them! I'll take compliments or criticism, I might even quote you up here in Author's comments. Thank you for those who have Reviewed. I'm lookin at you, KawaiiSpirit and celestialfox1! :) Enjoy!**_

 **-aa14**

 **Harley**

Once everyone was sat down and settled down, Gazzy and Angel started telling Harley and Joker what had happened to them.

"We were stolen by a company that used to be a pretty big name. ITEX, also called Itexicon. Ever heard of it?" Gazzy asked.

"ITEX? Yeah, I've heard of it. Their name used to be on almost everything. I heard some teenagers wrecked their main facility in Germany because like they weren't environmentally safe or somethin'." Harley said.

"That be them. And try ' _millions_ of teenagers'. Also, that maaay have been because of us, but we'll get to that later." Angel said.

"We were sent to one of ITEX's secret Death Valley California, eight miles due north from the badwater basin. We called it 'The School'. It was a bad place. A _horrible_ place. Sicko scientists we called Whitecoats created mutants like us there and did experiments on them. On us."

Gazzy shuddered.

"I remember living in a dog crate. With only the flock for comfort. I remember being forced to undergo dangerous experiments. Being forced to run on a treadmill until I was so exhausted I collapsed. Being forced to drink some terrible-tasting orange stuff that made me sick. So many of them would leave me sick and dying. I didn't even get the worst of it. The whitecoats tried to give Iggy the ability to see in the dark, and when they brought him back, as soon as he woke up, we knew something was wrong. The color of his eyes, they were white and milky, that and he was screaming ' _I can't see, I can't see!'_ at the top of his lungs. When Angel came to The School, I remember it like it was yesterday.

"I was sleeping when I heard a tapping on someone's crate that woke me up. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a white coat. She was carrying a baby. She opened the door of Max's cage and kind of… thrust her into her arms. Then she locked the crate again. She told Max that the child was 'Subject Eleven' and that Max was in charge of taking care of her. If anything happened to her, Max would be killed, too.

"Listening to the Whitecoats talk, we figured out that Angel was my sister based on what they were saying. Angel was lucky. Since she was just a baby, the Whitecoats knew she couldn't do hard experiments like us, so they mainly studied the way she grew, took blood samples. She was lucky."

Angel squeezed his hand. Harley and Joker were staring at him with looks of horror.

"We were imprisoned at the School until I was about two and a half years old. Angel was four months old. Whitecoats didn't view us as humans. We were 'subjects'. 'Merchandise'. 'Experiments'. As for us, we weren't even sure if we had real parents. Maybe we were test-tube babies or something. By the way the Whitecoats talked, you'd think that were true, but there was one Whitecoat who didn't see us that way. He saw us as children. Just kids in a bad situation. He was kind to us, he bandaged our injuries, he made other whitecoats be gentle with us, he brought us enough food and tried to get us stuff we liked. His name was Jeb Batchelder.

"Eight years ago, he stole us, the whole Flock, from The School and took us far away. Jeb raised us in a large cabin in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, Colorado. The house was awesome. Shaped like a sideways _E,_ the bars cantilevered on stilts out over a steep canyon, so if you looked out a window, it made you feel like you were floating. Jeb was like our Dad. He taught us how to fight, how to fly, how to take care of ourselves. He saved us. None of us had parents back then, Jeb came as close as possible. Four years later, he disappeared. We all knew he was dead, but we didn't talk about it. We were on our own. No one told us what to do, well, except Max. She was the oldest. She was the leader. Two years after Jeb disappeared, the house was attacked by Erasers while we were out picking strawberries."

Joker interrupted. "You mentioned ' _Erasers'_ earlier. What's an Eraser? Like, a pink schoolhouse eraser?"

"We wish. Erasers were part-human, part-wolf - all predator. They're tough, smart, and hard to control. They look human, but when they want to, they are capable of morphing into wolf men, complete with fur, fangs, and claws. ITEX used them as guards, police - and executioners." Angel explained.

"To them, we the flock were seven moving targets - smart enough to be a fun challenge. Basically, they want to rip our throats out. And make sure the world never finds out about us." Gazzy said.

"Later, ITEX engineered them to have wings, too. Specifically to fight us. They weren't very good flyers, though. They were raised from test-tubes and raised to hunt and kill. Pure monsters. Lucky for us: they come with a big flaw - they don't live very long. The oldest ones only live to be about seven, eight, rarely nine years old. Then they just... Drop dead. We've seen it happen before. Only one of them was ever good. He was also the only one _not_ born out of a test-tube. His name was Ari, Jeb's son. He was a regular kid, but ITEX turned him into an Eraser to see if that would cure the whole die really young thing. He was also Max's half-brother. He died when he was only seven years old. We'll talk about him later."

Listening to Angel, Harley got a little worried. "Are there still Erasers? Since ITEX is mostly gone?" "No, ITEX killed all of them and replaced them with robot Erasers we called Flyboys. They had all of Erasers abilities, but they always stayed in the wolf-looking state, and they were _stuuupid_. They also lasted a whole lot longer, but they were much easier to fight. Both because of their low IQ's, and a design flaw. Striking them really hard on the bases of their spines, they'd drop like a rock. With success about nine out of ten times. But they were still dangerous. Angel, me, the whole Flock all have scars from fighting Erasers and Flyboys- and from the experiments the whitecoats did to us. Don't worry though, We haven't seen any Erasers or Flyboys in months. ITEX has either terminated all of them or the facilities where they're made keep getting destroyed by yours truly."

Harley clenched her fists. _They sent monsters after my kids. How long is the list?_

The tale continued.

 **Gazzy told them everything. From** _ **The Angel Experiment**_ **to** _ **MAX**_ **. After that, everything was different. The flock stuck together and everyone but Gazzy, Angel, and Total were killed during a fight with Erasers. At that same battle, Angel and Gazzy uncovered top secret ITEX files that clearly stated, not in code, that their parents names were Harleen Quinzel, now known as Harley Quinn, and Jack Napier, now known as The Joker. A powerful crime lord couple who ruled Gotham City, New Jersey. The files also said the couple believed Gazzy and Angel to have died minutes after their birth. I would type Gazzy and Angel telling their parents all of this, but I am LAZY and that would be like a billion words long. So, TIME SKIP!**

By the time 'storytime' was over, it was midnight and Harley was in tears. She wasn't bawling, but there was no stopping the tears rolling down her face or the little sobs escaping her lips.

"Oh honey, come 'ere. Both of ya." She choked, holding her arms out for a hug. Gazzy and Angel, her angels, went around the coffee table. Angel got there first and crawled into her lap. Then Gazzy just stood there and wrapped his arms around her neck.

Harley couldn't contain herself. The emotions were too much. First, she'd been overjoyed her children, Gazzy and Angel, were alive and well. Then, she'd been angry to find out _why_ she had not been aware of this. Then, she'd been even angrier to find out what had been done to them. Now, she was just… sad. Upset. To find out what they'd been through.

Seeing the scars on their bodies from countless fights, as well as the mental and emotional scars on their minds. On their souls. She saw those scars in their eyes, in their tone of voice when they spoke of their sorrows. It broke her heart.

She could feel Mr. J's arms around her, his head rested on her shoulder. "Shhh, it'll be okay." Ever since their eight month separation and breaking her out of Belle Reve eleven years ago, he'd been… different. He had _used_ to be a perfect picture of an 'abusive' partner. Which for the most part Harley had been fine with.

But after being captured by the Bat and rescued those long, torturous eight months later, Joker had treated her differently. He'd been considerably less strict about what she did with her clothes and her hair, he'd frequently asked for her opinion on things, constantly told her how beautiful she was, and did random nice things for her just to "remind her how special she was".

Things like leaving little gifts for her all over the house like boxes of chocolates, new jewelry, and new weapons. He'd randomly give her a hug whenever she "looked lonely", stop to kiss her for no reason at all, etc...

Harley's favorite thing… he'd just been… gentler. He raised his voice increasingly less until it got to the point he only ever did once in a blue moon if ever. Whenever he was about to raise a hand to her he'd get a terrified look on his face and suddenly stop himself and leave, avoiding her like the plague and... (she was positive she wasn't imagining it) _sulking_ for several hours after. Giving her the most guilty look whenever their paths crossed until she'd sneak up on him and tell him how she knew he didn't mean it and how much she loved him. Then he'd apologize over and over and tell her how much he loved her and how bad he was and how he didn't deserve her while he held her close to him until they both felt better.

She hated it when that happened, she never liked being away from him for long and she could just see it on his face and in his eyes that his own actions hurt him far worse than they ever hurt her.

Even in bed, he was different. He took her slowly and gently, even went so far as to _make love_ to her (anyone could guess Joker preferred it rough). He treated her like a china doll that would shatter into a million pieces if he wasn't careful. Whispering in her ear how good, how beautiful, how perfect she was, how she made him feel as he made her moan with pleasure for him. Stroking and kissing her everywhere he knew she liked.

As well as being more gentle, he'd gotten considerably more protective of her, to the point he was almost overbearing. She loved him for it of course, he was so sweet. He never let her go anywhere unprotected and rarely let her go anywhere without him. He didn't tolerate _anyone_ insulting her whatsoever. Well, he didn't before either, but he was more severe about it now. The death of the last man to call her a ' _bad bitch'_ had taken _weeks_. Harley had to crack a smirk at the thought.

Harley (being a former psychiatrist) figured their time apart had made him realize how painful it was without her, how lost he was, how much he _needed_ her. The _thought_ of being away from her again just _terrified_ him.

Proof of Harley's theory, Joker had proposed to her just under a month after breaking her out of Belle Reve, and they had been married one month later. Ten months after that… Gazzy was born... And you know the rest.

Harley wiped the tears away from her face and let them go. "Alright, I'm okay and so are you now. Puddin, I think we need to send these kids off to bed." "I think you're right. _Jonny!_ " He called towards the kitchen.

Jonny Frost, the Joker's right-hand man, walked into the room. "Hey Jonny, take Gazzy and Angel to the guest rooms across from Harley's and mine. Then send someone out and get some kids clothes you think will fit them. Just an outfit or two and some pajamas until we can get them some… proper attire."

Jonny nodded. "Yes boss, right away. Com'on kids, let's get you two off to bed. I think your parents have stuff to talk about."

And they did. Boy, they did have a lot to talk about.


	5. Chapter 5: Deadshot

**My Beloved Readers! First of all, I am SO SORRY for the long wait! I just got caught up with other fanfics, an original story, and I was introduced to several animes that I freaked out over! SO, SO SORRY! Trust me, Gazzy already tried to blow me up and Joker and Harley took turns using me for target practice for my incompetence, so no need to get out the pitchforks and torches! Anyway, enjoy the chapter, and I'll try to update timely next time, promise! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Angel**

The man, Jonny Frost, Daddy's right-hand, led them to a room with two beds for them to share. She got all of that information from his head. He seemed nice enough, well, as nice as the Joker's right-hand could be. But he still seemed cautious that they were telling the truth about their bloodlines.

 _How does the boss actually think these kids are his? He hasn't taken the right precautions to jump to those conclusions. Just ask him about it later._

"One of 'those kids' can hear you, Mr. Frost." Angel said with a smirk. He turned around faster than Angel had thought he could move with a look on his face that matched his thoughts. "Watch your language, I'm only eight." Angel said innocently. His jaw dropped lower. Angel winked and pointed at her head. "Mind reader." She giggled.

He sighed. "Of course you are."

"Look, I know you're worried we're lying, trying to take advantage of your boss or something, but we aren't. We _are_ the children of The Joker and Harley Quinn. Or should I say his _real_ name?" Angel asked tauntingly.

"I wouldn't, kid. I'm the only one who works for him that knows it, and Harley's the only one allowed to say it aloud, and that's when he's in a _really_ good mood."

Angel quirked a smile. "I won't." Angel said innocently. ' _It's Jack Napier'_. She sent over to Gazzy's head. Based on his smirk, he got the message. ' _And Mommy's name used to be Harleen Quinzel'_.

Mr. Frost led them to the guest room Daddy had mentioned and left them there. It was bigger and grander than any room they'd ever stayed in before. It had two queen-sized beds, a walk-in closet, and a large bathroom. The bathroom was all gold and marble and the beds and bedroom sets were all mahogany. There was a huge window that opened all the way. Gazzy opened it as soon as they got in. It always comforted the flock to know there was an escape route.

Since neither of them had a change of clothes yet, they didn't shower, but they washed their hands and faces and ran water through their greasy blonde hair. After that, Gazzy found a nice deck of cards in one of the drawers in one of the nightstands and they played slapjack for a while. Why? It was the only game Gazzy could think of that Angel couldn't read his mind and cheat on. It was near the end of their fifth game that Jonny came back with a few outfits for each of them. Gazzy let Angel use the shower first (which was amazing) and put on a cute little pink nightgown with little birds and angels all over them and matching socks.

Once Gazzy got out of the shower, in a pair of green and blue monster truck pajamas, Gazzy and Angel miraculously managed to force Total into the bathtub and give him his first bath in months.

After that, the three of them crawled into bed for some well deserved rest, and for the first time in years, peacefully drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **Joker**

Both of them knew there was a lot to be said, a lot that had to be done, but one thing was for certain: they were miles out of their comfort zone. And there was only one man they knew and trusted enough to help them with this. The one man they knew… with kids.

Floyd Lawton. Aka: Deadshot.

Both Joker and Harley had his cell phone number memorized.

He picked up on the first ring. " _Hey, J. To what honor do I receive this phone call?"_ Lawton asked as soon as he picked up. "Deadshot, I'm not in the mood for sarcasm. We need your help."

" _Al'ight. Who ya need knocked off?"_

"For once, it's not that. It's a little more personal."

" _Man, I was already a groomsman at your wedding and I was at the hospital ten and eight years ago. What else you got that's personal?"_

"I can't tell you over the phone, there's always that tiny chance it's wired. Just get your ass down to the usual rendezvous and I'll send Jonny to get you. How soon can you get there?"

" _Man, since you're out, there's cops everywhere. Normally, it'd just take me like twenty minutes, but it may take me forty-five to get there without gettin' arrested. Sorry to keep you waitin' old friend, but you know how it is."_

"We the bad guys of Gotham city all relate. Don't worry about it. Jonny's out anyway. I was gonna send him for you when he got back. You've got time. Just try to get there as soon as you can."

" _Al'ight J, see you."_

"See ya."

He heard the 'click' as Deadshot hung up. Once he put his cell away, Harley asked, "Now what, Pud'?" "I guess we just wait for Jonny to get back, then send him to get Deadshot." He shrugged. "And in the meantime, you need a shower, a change of clothes, and a hot meal."

Joker realized at that moment that in the 'Gazzy and Angel' excitement, that he had neglected his beloved wife. He put on his 'Harley grin' and swept her up in his arms. She laughed hysterically, overjoyed to see him. "That's the best idea you've had all night, Harls." He purred.

Harley giggled as he nuzzled her neck.

* * *

 **Harley Quinn**

Jonny got back with about a dozen outfits each for Gazzy and Angel about half an hour later. As he'd said he would, Joker sent him straight back out to pick up Deadshot. Half an hour after that, Jonny returned with Floyd.

Mr. J was just getting out of the shower when Jonny knocked on their bedroom door to inform them of Deadshot's arrival. Harley couldn't help but admire the view as he dressed himself in a simple purple dress shirt and a pair of black slacks. The outfit was almost identical to the one he'd worn the night he'd first kissed her, in the acid vat.

She smiled at the memory. The chemicals hadn't been pleasant, burning away the last of Harleen Quinzel had been painful, and the chemicals had itched and burned her skin for days, making it peel, but nothing in the world had ever compared to the way Joker tasted, much less the way he made her feel when he'd kissed her that first night.

Joker noticed her looking as he was putting his shirt on. "Like the view, Harls?" Harley smiled at him. "Yeah, you know I do, Pud'."

He grinned at her. "And you're not the only one." He said flirtatiously. Harley then remembered she still wasn't wearing any clothes. She felt herself blush and she giggled.

She changed into a casual pair of sweatpants and a matching t-shirt that was the same color and pattern as her jester outfit, the red and black one.

She and Joker left their room and saw Deadshot sitting on the couch in the living room. Jonny was standing casually leaning on the door with his hand resting on his holster. Harley knew Deadshot wouldn't do anything, they were too close friends for him to do that, but she also knew Jonny had learned from experience how fast villains tended to turn on each other.

"Sup, Mr. J. Hey, Harley. What'd ya call me for?" Deadshot asked, standing up.

" _Deeeeadshot_ , good to see ya." Joker greeted, shaking Deadshot's hand. " _Heeeeey_ , Deadshot!" Harley said. She _loved_ J, but she was always delighted to see her other friends.

"Nice to see you, too. So, what's the deal?"

At Deadshot's question, Joker and Harley looked at each other.

"Er, we have a uh… personal issue. Well, not a _bad_ issue, but… we're about a thousand leagues _out of our league_. Fish out of water, if you know what I mean." Harley said, scratching the back of her head nervously.

"Define 'out of your league'. If it doesn't involve killing people, why'd you call me?" At that, Joker grabbed Floyd by the arm and dragged him upstairs. Used to the craziness by now, Deadshot just went with it and let J half-lead-half-drag him upstairs and down the hall to the room where two little angels were sleeping. With a tenderness rarely seen, Joker quietly opened the door to Gazzy and Angel's room.

* * *

 **Deadshot**

When J opened the door to the guest bedroom, Deadshot was instinctively braced for a fight. Other than one small lamp between the two queen-sized beds, the room was for the most part dark. Light shone in from the cracked doorway. The first thing Deadshot's eyes fell on was a mass of cloth and feathers laying on top of the bed closest to the open door. _Wait… is that a foot?_

Then… It _moved_. That mass of feathers was a _wing_. And it was attached to a beautiful little boy, about twelve years old, if he had to guess. He was asleep, dressed in a pair of green monster truck pajamas. He had his arm around a beautiful little girl, about ten years old, if he had to estimate. She was wearing a pretty pink nightgown and was hugging a little stuffed angel bear to her chest.

He was there both nights, ten years ago and eight years ago. He remembered Harley's scream of anguish at the realization that the beautiful thing she'd worked nine months to create was dead… but those two kids looked _a lot_ like Joker and Harley.

"That is _not_ -"

"Yeah it _is_." Joker said.

"But how-"

"It's a long story." Harley said.

"One I've got all night to hear but _damn_. Damn J…" Deadshot shrugged, at a total loss for words. "Moseltong, it's a boy! And a pretty little girl, too."

"Their names are 'The Gasman', or Gazzy for short, and our little girl is Angel." Joker said proudly.

" _The Gasman?_ "

"The kid's got digestive issues, apparently. And _they picked their own names_. We did _not_ name him that." Harley said.

"Uh-huh, and what the hell are _those_?" Deadshot asked, gesturing wildly to the freakin' _wings_ attached to the kids' backs.

" _That_ , is where our story begins." But it wasn't Joker or Harley that had spoken. There was a small black scottie dog laying on the foot of the bed, looking at them with a pair of soft brown eyes.

"Did that dawg just talk?" Deadshot asked.

"Dude, you live in _Gotham city_ , and _this_ weirds you out?" The dog asked.

After a few moments to collect himself, Floyd shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Name's Total. Who are you?" The dog asked.

"Name's Floyd Lawton. My I guess 'bad guy' name is Deadshot."

"Let me guess, you're one of the 'Suicide Squad' that Miss Quinn mentioned." Total said.

"You'd be correct." Floyd said.

"Total! Please, just call me Harley." Harley said.

"Okay _Harley,_ Mr. J, Floyd, let's take this conversation _outside_ , don't want to wake the kids. It's rare that they get to sleep in an actual bed. Best to let them enjoy it." The little dog said, standing up, jumping off the bed, and striding out the door on its' cute little legs. Only as Total walked past Deadshot did he notice that the dog had a small pair of black wings attached to it's back.

* * *

 **So, what'd you guys think? We've met another member of the Squad! Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and I will try my best to update, soon! But I have a rule: I only give out new chapters if ppl review. So, I'll only start writing when I get at least ONE REVIEW on this chapter. I love em! Happy reading, and I hope that if you run into any crazed clown-themed criminals, they are in a good mood, and don't try to kill you. :) Till next time, Toodles!**

 **-alphashley14**


	6. UP FOR ADOPTION

**Hey, guys! Sorry it's been awhile and I'm sorry for doing this to you after so long, but I'm putting Joke's on You up for Adoption. I just have lost interest in writing it. That, and I'm putting more time and energy into writing a completely original story of mine. It's my baby, and I hope to get it published, someday. Whoever is interested in adopting Joke's on You may private message me or leave a review stating they are interested in Adoption. From there, I'll give you permission.**

 **To whoever I give permission, I will give you a summary of what was going to happen in the rest of the story for inspiration.**

 **Again, so sorry for doing this to you guys. But it sorta just happened.**

 **This is up for adoption, now. I hope someone is** **interested** **.**

 **Happy reading!**

 **-aa14**


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